I'm an...adult....?

Finallyin my new apartment! Thank god! Moved in last Wednesday and have beenscrambling to get myself nested and settled while managing a very heavycourse load and a very packed social life. Let me tell you ... growingup is hard.

That being said, growing up is also the most awesome feeling and the weirdest feeling in the whole world....at the same time. Being a senior on campus has definitely been a huge reality check. After three years of university education, I can finally say that I feel smarter and more prepared for the real world. All my classes make sense and are super interesting (which is good because if they didn't make sense and they weren't interesting I probably would have slit my wrists by this point due to my intense work load). I'm taking one freshman level class this semester and it's funny to watch the little ones scramble and bang their heads against the wall for an intro level course. Bahahaha. Silly freshmen.

At the same time, I've got my own 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment with the cutest little balcony in an Asian-themed apartment complex run and occupied by all Hispanics. Could this place be more perfect for me? Probably not. And here is the best kept secret about getting your own place: GO TO SALVATION ARMY FOR FURNITURE. I got the cutest little love seat and a dining room table with 4 chairs for under $300.... price included the delivery to my door (which is a second story apartment in a building with no elevator... big shout out thanks to the delicious man meat that carried all my furniture up to my apartment).

Decorating is probably one of my all time favorite activities. Especially in the first space that is entirely my own. My friend Hillary calls it the 'nesting period' and she's right. As soon as I got my keys I went to target and spent 2 hours and an embarrassing amount of money on plates, bowls, mugs, kitchen towels, aprons, tablecloths, wine glasses, chopping boards, a bath mat, a toothbrush holder, a shower curtain, a desk lamp, side tables, mirrors, picture frames, etc. etc. And I swear to god I came all over the place when my kitchen and bathroom were completely set up. It's a wonderful feeling to have a place that is entirely your own - your space, your decorations, your thoughts and dreams and hopes manifested into one tiny little one bedroom apartment. It's the little things in life. I built my bed by myself (again) and started unpacking boxes of clothes and got my closet organized. I hugged each article of clothing and told it how much I missed it because everyone knows that clothes look better on you when you talk to them and tell them how much you appreciate them. And this weekend I will be having my first official house warming dinner and game night for all the lovely ladies that housed me in my time of need. Many thanks to Hillary, Stacey, Lauren, Leigh, Lana and Sierra. xxx

But there's more to being a grown up than having your own apartment and being cooler than the freshmen. It's about time management and confidence. Confidence in what your doing and how your doing it. Confidence in your goals and morals and life plans. Confidence in who you are and who you want to be. I see it in the smallest of events in life. Everyone I meet is suddenly an equal to me... whether they are 21 or 51. I realize that, yes as you grow older you gain wisdom, but once you reach a certain age (20-22) you realize that those people called 'grown ups' are really just as confused as you are about what the next step is going to be.

Suddenly, the system has decided "Okee dokee.... last stop, senior year of college, everyone get off the effing bus and figure it out for yourselves from here on out." And that's what the real world is. Whether you are President of the United States or starting at an entry level position in a major corporation, you're really just trying to figure shit out on your own: how to pay the bills, how to save enough money for that awesome trip to the Bahamas you've been dying to go to, how to find a boyfriend, how to keep your parents from killing each other, how to this, how to that. Society brings you to a certain point and guides you saying "Well first you go to preschool, then elementary school, then middle school, then high school, then college and by then...by the time you have lived on this planet for 21 years...well then you can start making your own decisions without a wag of the finger and frowny face from big brother." Well. Thanks society. I'm glad that you have guided me this far and then are dropping me off completely bewildered into a neverending sea of people who are just as smart as me and just as ambitious as me and just as cute as me. Awesome. I think I just crapped my pants.

Just when I thought that I had seen it all and was completely prepared for anything and everything, I realize just how scared I am of leaving this sanctuary known as 'college'.

Still no Internets at my apartment so posts will be less frequent but stay tuned as little bear tackles the big effing world.

xxxxxx